What Science Reveals About Desire in Relationships?
Only recently have scientists begun to systematically explore how falling in love influences how often people actually have sex. The findings challenge some long-held assumptions about relationships and offer a clearer glimpse into what happens behind closed doors.
This topic was addressed by the authors Adam Bode, Severi Luoto, Marta Kowal, and Fabio Cannas Aghedu in the review article “Romantic Love and Sexual Frequency,” published in 2026 in the journal Current Sexual Health Reports.
A large international dataset, known as the Romantic Love Survey 2022, provides one of the most detailed insights so far. Based on more than 1,500 young adults from 33 countries, researchers found that people in the early stages of love have sex, on average, about three to four times a week. That’s significantly more than the roughly once-a-week average reported among married couples in long-term relationships.
“Experiencing romantic love could lead to couples having more sex than couples who are not in love. However, until recently, there had only been indirect evidence of this association. The past five years have seen the birth of a small body of theoretical and empirical literature investigating the association between romantic love and sexual frequency…This review provides a summary of the historical understanding of romantic love and sexual frequency. It then outlines the relevant theoretical work and empirical studies that have shed light on the relationship between romantic love and sexual frequency, published during the past five years. This review therefore presents a concise account of the association between romantic love and sexual frequency.” Bode et al. (2026)
At first glance, this seems to confirm the familiar narrative: new love is intense, passionate, and frequent. But a closer look reveals a complex picture.
What matters most is simply whether someone is in love or not
Perhaps the most surprising finding is that the intensity of romantic love- how strongly someone feels, does not predict how often they have sex. The same goes for how much they think about their partner or their level of emotional commitment. In other words, what matters most is simply whether someone is in love or not. This distinction may seem subtle, but it’s important. It suggests that romantic love works more like a switch. Once it’s “on,” being in love is linked to higher sexual activity, regardless of its intensity.
Biology may help explain this. Brain imaging studies show that love activates regions associated with reward, motivation, and sexual desire. From an evolutionary perspective, that makes sense: love may have partly evolved to encourage bonding and reproduction.
“Bode and Kavanagh identified four subtypes of romantic lovers (i.e., Mild, Moderate, Libidinous, and Intense), characterized by distinct scores on the intensity of romantic love, obsessive thinking about a loved one, commitment, and sexual frequency. Sexual frequency in this sample ranged between 0 and 20 times per week. The most notable finding from that study, for the purposes of this review, was that among sexually active participants, there was substantial variation in sexual frequency as a function of the subtype of the romantic lover: mild = 2.57 times per week (SD = 1.39); moderate = 2.78 (SD = 1.37); libidinous = 9.92 (SD = 3.44); intense = 3.13 (SD = 1.59). It appears that sexually active young adults experiencing romantic love engaged in sexual activity 3.53 times per week, on average. This is substantially higher than the 1.06 times per week among married individuals in the nationally representative American General Social Survey in 2014….Another notable finding is that there was substantial variation in sexual frequency among the participants. While the libidinous romantic lovers constituted the smallest group (9.64%), there does appear to be a substantial proportion of romantic lovers who engage in sexual activity well above the mean frequency (up to 20 times per week).” Bode et al. (2026)
Still, differences between individuals are considerable. Some people report having sex rarely or not at all, while others report up to 20 times a week. Researchers have even identified different “types” of lovers, showing that there is no single norm, even among those in love.
Time also plays a key role. It’s well known that sexual frequency tends to decline as relationships last longer, and recent research confirms this.
So what does this mean in practice?
A drop in frequency doesn’t necessarily mean a loss of love. It also shows that there is no universal “normal” level of sexual activity. The science of love is still evolving. But one thing is clear, love can spark desire.
Image: 10 Essential Elements for a Strong and Fulfilling Relationship, Utah State University
